First off: Yay! I’m coming home! Finally! Second off, I just got back from my worst karaoke experience EVER! And no, it’s not that I got booed off the stage for attempting Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.”

It was bizarro Hamburger Mary’s in downtown Sacramento. Totally different from WeHo’s Mary in that instead of a bar filled with queens, this was a bar filled with redneck Christians. OK, I’m making a blanket statement and judging it solely on song choice. But come on, who sings Jesus songs during karaoke?

I’m not talking incidently religious, I’m talking looking up at the heavens with arms raised high as if preparing to receive the Holy Spirit while singing. PLUS, the volume was turned on extremely LOUD so not only did I feel like the gospel was being jammed down my throat, but I was being held captive by church.

And if the would-be songstress had a decent voice, I might have even listened to her and empathized with her passion. But as it was, simply feeling the Holy Spirit didn’t make her a better singer.

After her, more karaoke krackheads attempted more ballads. Some songs laced with religion, others straight-out country.

My cousin who frequents this Mary’s apologized saying that she didn’t know what happened and that usually it’s a fun place where people sing fun songs. She’s right. I came here once before and it WAS a fun crowd. But on this night the Christians had the mic while the gays sat in the back of the room looking frightened–not so much by the religion but by the horrific singing.

However, I will say one thing for this Mary’s: They make a mean Mai Tai — not too sweet and soo easy going down.

1630 J Street
Sacramento, California 95814
(916) 441-4340

385 miles from L.A.